I always wondered what those little colored stars next to user names represented on eBay, but I wondered about it in the same way I wondered about how Thermoses work -- that is, I never really thought long about it, certainly not long enough to warrant any level of research on it.

Until today, when I received an e-mail from the good folks at eBay congratulating me for "being halfway to reaching your Blue Star!" Further reading revealed that this meant I had 25 comments in my eBay "reputation", i.e., I have made at least 25 purchases in online auctions.

Maybe I was supposed to be excited about being well on my way to 50 purchases on eBay.

To me, however, the e-mail served as an alarming reality check, something, I imagine, like a friend showing you all those empty vodka bottles you thought you'd stashed secretly away in the bedroom closet. I knew my eBay habit had been steadily growing since I made those first fateful, wedding-related, totally practical purchases. Now I've scored deals on everything from a pair of new snowboarding pants to a set of bamboo knitting needles. Apparently I did not bid and check compulsively on these auctions in the privacy of my darkened home office as I had deluded myself. Oh no, eBay assured me, "We want you to know that we noticed how busy you've been on eBay . . . "

Creepy, no? It gets better.

Like any codependent enabler who counts on its partner's addiction to keep those relationship fires burning, eBay assures me not only that my habit is perfectly within the bounds of healthy hobby, but also that it indeed makes me a Very Special Person: "People like you make and keep eBay strong. Keep it up!"

Okay, will do! It seems that, despite my concerns for my level of self-control and the balance of my PayPal account, I win! I am not only building a better reputation, i.e., becoming a better person, I am also contributing to the strength of some sort of greater good. Uh huh.

Gotta go check the status of that lot of vintage rhinestone brooches . . .