I don't often use this space for highly personal, emotional journaling. I feel like blogs too often cross that line that separates useful or soulful writing from plain exhibitionism, and I haven't yet figured out how to tread that divide gracefully so I try to stay away from the TMI genre altogether.

Anyway. This is all to say I write about my struggles with a bit of trepidation, and with the hope that someone out there will find my writing useful, or soulful.

Recently I began picking up some freelance writing and editing projects again. I have a home office and the intent was to work there part-time, when my baby napped and occasionally in the evenings. I'd only take one project at a time, and I'd only book as much work as I felt challenged me but didn't overwhelm me. I didn't have an immediate childcare plan in place because the cost would take a serious chunk out of the hourly rate that I earn, and I don't have such a need to work that I am willing to lose precious time with my son in order to merely break even financially, as so many women do. A friend has offered to let me share her babysitter a few hours a week; perhaps that will help and all this stressing will be for naught.

But, news flash: It's hard, y'all. Balancing motherhood with virtually anything else of substance is akin to walking a tightrope with a tray of full wineglasses in one hand and a capuchin monkey in the other. My best laid plans to limit my working hours have quickly begun to fall apart: clients run late, projects overlap, deadlines loom. When I'm being the best mother I can be, I feel like my work is slipping. When I'm on top of my paying projects, I feel like my baby is getting perhaps a little too much "independent play time."

Two simple, if drastic, solutions make themselves plain right away: Either quit working altogether or pay someone to care for my child for several hours a week. But neither of those choices is totally satisfying to me. I wish I could do it all. I wish there were at least 36 hours in a day, and that I only required 4 hours of sleep. I wish I had more support where I live, like family who lived nearby who could hang out with my son a few afternoons a week. I wish I could talk to my clients about the challenges that their demands present to my ability to be a good mother, without losing their respect. I wish I didn't have to worry about being judged no matter what I choose, being labeled by some as either a mediocre mother (but a successful woman!) or an unintelligent, ambitionless conformist (but a great mom!).

I know some of you out there have struggled with this same thing. And I know some of you manage to do it all, have established careers and good relationships with your kids and orderly houses and clean laundry and great wardrobes and creative hobbies and romantic moments galore with your husbands and babies who sleep through the night and never cry.

Tell me: How do you do it?