May 7, 2009

Home Alone

This weekend, Byrne took Harper to Austin for a visit and I decided to stay home to do some resting and nesting and enjoy some much-needed quiet alone time before Little Miss Reese comes waltzing into our lives.

What do I have planned? A whole lotta nothin'.

Seriously. I have nothing against socializing, and there certainly are some friends I'd like to reconnect with this weekend if the opportunity arises. But a big part of this break for me is the liberation from a schedule for the first time in the last three years of my life. Spontaneity has been on a hiatus around here, and I am just now realizing how much I've really missed it. I'm out of practice.

An already-emerging theme of this weekend has been re-learning how to slow down. At lunch today, I found myself initially fidgety. When my food arrived, my first instinct was to dive in and eat quickly. Part of that was due to the fact that I had been fasting since the night before for a blood draw, and I was ravenous. But also, I have become so accustomed to eating quickly while simultaneously taking care of someone else's needs. So I set my fork down, took a breath, sipped my drink, leaned back in my chair, and pulled out a book. I accepted a refill on my iced tea. When the waitress tried to clear my plate prematurely, I politely asked her to leave it so I could nibble some more.

After lunch, I decided to browse the bookstore down the street. Again, I found myself rushing, quickly searching through my mental files for any books I've been meaning to check out. It took a few minutes of feeling mildly frantic before I realized: I don't need to be anywhere else right now. No one is hungry or tired or bored or asking to go home or to the park. I can linger. And linger I did, so long that I didn't realize my watch had stopped ticking and my parking meter was expired. Oops. Or was my ignorance to the passage of time all part of the lesson of these few precious days?

My boys are off on an adventure together, and I am here alone, enjoying the quiet thrill that comes with relearning simple ways of being happy and free. So far, it has been the best Mother's Day gift I never knew I wanted.

1 comments

1. At 10:37 on 8 May 2009 chris said:

sounds so so familiar! enjoy this weekend. boy am i jealous! i am so glad you are getting some time to yourself. what an amazing gift!

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